[techtalk] career/family question

[Jenny Brown (was Gable)]

Hi, newbie delurking. :)  And I have a sort of general question for
an issue I'm struggling with right now.

I'm a programmer, my husband is a sysadmin; we're 22. I've recently
realized that most of the pressure I'm feeling is due to the expectation
that the woman takes care of the bills and cleaning and pets and
appointments and meeting the fix-it people, etc. It fell toward that
with us because he was working full time, and I was working part time
at a lower salary. Also he often had to work weekends and evenings
with server upgrades and maintenance, as well as working all weekdays;
and thus had less time available than me.

We're not much into tradition for its own sake; but things are still
tending that direction.

Now... we've considered getting a cleaning service to come take care of
basic housework; and another service (whose name I can't spell) to take
care of letting service people in to work on appliances and such.

But I feel oddly uncomfortable with that solution, like it means
I'm not doing a good job of making a home and stuff.  But I don't
really understand why that makes me uncomfortable as much as it does.
We planned previously that someday when we had kids, he'd take care
of them, and I'd work to support us both. We don't have kids yet, just
two cats.  But things feel awkward and I'm having trouble getting words 
for it.

So basically my question is... if you have dealt with a related
situation... how did you feel, how did you resolve it, what ideas or
suggestions can you provide? 

I just got hired full time so I'm under a little pressure to figure
out what I want to do. My husband will probably be supportive but
he's just not good at things like remembering to pay bills, feed himself,
go to sleep on time, organize stuff... (sort of classic hardcore geek).


Jenny



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