[Courses] [Spineful Living, lesson 3: 101 Satisfying Retorts For All Occassion]

[Rudy Zijlstra]

Gayathri Swaminathan wrote:
> On 4/14/07, Rudy Zijlstra <rudy at edsons.demon.nl> wrote:
>>
>> > "She dint take her happy pills"<--when dealing with a tough female
>> > manager
>>
>> I've heard variants on this applied to male managers as well. Have no
>> clue whether its applied to female managers more often. Possibly,
>> because tough management goes against some stereotype expected female
>> behavior. The "be nice" expectation in this case, which in my mind is
>> ridiculous, especially when applied to a female manager. From my point
>> of view, a (wo)man who adheres to the "be nice" prototype, should never
>> be a manager. And yes, some man have that problem as well. A different
>> way to describe it is "what would the neighbors think of this?
>> >
>
>
> I think most instances I have heard this retort involved a female 
> manager.
> But  certainly agree with you on the fact that "be nice" prototypes ( 
> both
> male/female) cannot be good managers. However, what does one reply to 
> such
> unhealthy comments? The idea is not challenge the comment itself but, 
> to let
> them they are  treating the situation in an unprofessional manner.

its had me thinking. Big problem is that the "happy pills" or other such 
is never or rarely made into the face of the manager.. At least i've 
always noted them afterwards. And i have the feeling its usually made by 
someone who just got a job to do he/she did not like.

There are some female managers around in my job situation, no experience 
with how they deal with it though. Its a mostly male organization though 
with about 5 - 10% female (rough estimate).
>
>> Is being a girl equated in these instances to being less strong,
>> > talkative
>> > and needing pills to be happy?!
>> If the first example is from sports, its actually biological truth...
>> Generally speaking (exceptions always present) females are physically
>> less strong than males. On talkative, i actually do not know who is more
>> talkative. males or females. I strongly think the difference is not that
>> big. To me the difference seems to be more in the subject matter of the
>> "discussion". And in both cases, some topics are preferred with no
>> member of the other sex around.
>
>
> Agree here again there are physical differences between strengths of 
> men and
> women, but yet again hate the general assumption mode. Feel that there 
> can
> be a mode of discussion. Perhaps ask the people involved, Can you do 
> this?
> Do you think as a team we can do this? rather than rubbing ointment on 
> the
> fact the females are somewhat physically less capable than males...( coz
> there are sometimes exceptions here as well)
>
Clearly.. Anyone (male or female) who is only partially tranined will 
kick me off a tennis court in record time... And i like watching that 
game and have tried playing it.

It reminds me of role-models and expectations. Its not only the females 
that are fighting the role-models they have been grown up with.
The example i've seen of the "can you carry that". Personally my 
assumption is that if somebody starts lifting something as part of 
his/her job, she/he will ask for assistance where/when needed. Until 
then i continue with what i am doing. Point though is that a male role 
model is to be "helpfull" to the "weaker" gender. Part of the "holding 
door open" and such.



>>
>> > I have sometimes equated this to poor humor or just unhealthy
>> > remarks..but
>> > its hard to miss the stereotypes
>> >
>
>
> It is also true that women are considered talkative generally. But is 
> that
> bad? Being social and sharing all sorts of ideas with peers only 
> strengthens
> your perspectives ( through criticism, argument or enforcement)..But 
> *sigh*
> we do not live in Utopia either.
>

I fully agree with you on the sharing. Wish that were more possible.

Have you ever tried working in an all female environment? Although i 
haven't, a friend of mine has been in a situation where he was one of 
the few males in an otherwise all female workstaff (factory). You get 
some interesting stories. You can usually forget about sharing ideas in 
that situation though. There has been some research as to why that 
fails, and i have not yet read a good explanation.

The interesting/sad thing is that what works between female friends, 
does not scale into a all female work environment. Big pity.

You get the best work environments when its a mixed environment, 
preferably with neither gender clearly in the minority.

> It is true that in all jobs heavily gender biased, there are some 
> challenges
> to encounter for being the opposite sex ( For example: a male 
> performer in
> the arts or a female construction worker ) But anymore does it really
> matter? If the capacity is matched to fit the job, does being of either
> gender really matter? Enforcing stereotypes only grinds the constant
> patience the involved person maintains and eventually transforms nice to
> rude.

Yup, it does. and can lead to big explosions of anger.

Rudy