[techtalk] career/family question

[Astraea]

I've recently dealt with a similar issue...

I'm the sole parent of two children (ages 8 and 9).  I was trying to work full time, take care of two kids, keep up with two pets, clean, do laundry, pay bills, study for these certifications (cisco) that my employer wants me to get, a long list of other boring life details, and hopefully have a few spare minutes left for a social life.  On top of that, there were some very good paying weekend overtime shifts I was missing out on, because I had no sitter and absolutely no energy left.  So I guess you know where my stress level was?

I finally hired a housekeeper/sitter to come on Sundays.  While she's there, I either go to work or hit a bookstore to study.  It was weird at first, but it's really nice to not have to think about cleaning.  I now have more time for my family, more time to study, and some time for friends.  With the reduced stress of not having to worry about cleaning, my work performance has improved.  I love it!  And financially... I'll break even as long as I work one Sunday a month, so the cost isn't an issue.  Definitely the smartest thing I've done in a while, and I would recommend to ANYONE.  Especially us technical people who would rather tinker with our home LAN than mop the kitchen anyday *grin*

I found my housekeeper through some placement agency that was listed in the classifieds.  They do all the interviewing and screening, then find someone that meets your needs.  And if the "regular" person isn't able to make it, they send an alternate for you.

~Michelle

PS. The other linux chick in my house (Danielle, age 9) installed redhat on her own for the first time last week. I figure since I've told everyone at work about it already, I might as well post to the whole world, right?

-----Original Message-----
From:	Jenny Brown (was Gable) [SMTP:jenny at bigbrother.net]
Sent:	Monday, February 14, 2000 5:59 PM
To:	techtalk at hub.org
Subject:	[techtalk] career/family question

Hi, newbie delurking. :)  And I have a sort of general question for
an issue I'm struggling with right now.

I'm a programmer, my husband is a sysadmin; we're 22. I've recently
realized that most of the pressure I'm feeling is due to the expectation
that the woman takes care of the bills and cleaning and pets and
appointments and meeting the fix-it people, etc. It fell toward that
with us because he was working full time, and I was working part time
at a lower salary. Also he often had to work weekends and evenings
with server upgrades and maintenance, as well as working all weekdays;
and thus had less time available than me.

We're not much into tradition for its own sake; but things are still
tending that direction.

Now... we've considered getting a cleaning service to come take care of
basic housework; and another service (whose name I can't spell) to take
care of letting service people in to work on appliances and such.

But I feel oddly uncomfortable with that solution, like it means
I'm not doing a good job of making a home and stuff.  But I don't
really understand why that makes me uncomfortable as much as it does.
We planned previously that someday when we had kids, he'd take care
of them, and I'd work to support us both. We don't have kids yet, just
two cats.  But things feel awkward and I'm having trouble getting words 
for it.

So basically my question is... if you have dealt with a related
situation... how did you feel, how did you resolve it, what ideas or
suggestions can you provide? 

I just got hired full time so I'm under a little pressure to figure
out what I want to do. My husband will probably be supportive but
he's just not good at things like remembering to pay bills, feed himself,
go to sleep on time, organize stuff... (sort of classic hardcore geek).


Jenny



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