[Courses] [Spineful Living, lesson 6: Grief Support]

[Valorie Zimmerman]

On Tuesday 15 May 2007 14:57, Renata Vidal wrote:
> I'm so late about our lessons, I just do 1 and 2, and now 6. Its very good
> for me read this things, Its so closer my reality with tech support.....
> Here in Brazil, we are know as a very happy people. When someone need to
> deal  with an illness or death in the family is so hard...

While we Americans are not known so much for our happiness, we aren't open to 
grief or sadness, either. In Victorian times, death, dying, grief and sadness 
seemed to be the norm, maybe because Queen Victoria literally cast a pall 
over the English-speaking world for so many years. Perhaps people rebelled 
from that -- but threw out an important part of daily life.

> I usually 
> withdrew with myself. I have difficulty to deal with it because I deal with
>  illnesses and death many times in my family. So, when I see something like
> it I runaway, because I start to cry and cry and cry..... Its not usually
> to a woman hide their feelings, but I dont know why I'm this way... I thing
> I learn with the men to hide my feelings (I really dont know....)

One thing I've noticed over my lifetime, is that it has become more OK for 
women to express formerly "male" emotions and patterns such as 
aggressiveness, ambition, work-a-holic habits, sexual boldness. However, true 
assertiveness would allow us to express our softer side, too -- love, 
sympathy, vulnerability, grief, sadness. These are still *not allowed* in 
public culture, because they are seen as weak. We can only be strong.

In my opinion, that is wrong -- we are both. Being assertive means that we can 
be genuine, and feel our feelings, express our feelings, and be OK with that. 
It's a journey.

> Sorry for my poor english....

If you expressed your thoughts and ideas as you wished, not a problem! Thanks 
for sharing.

Valorie