[Courses] [Spineful Living, lesson 5: The Hardest Nos]

[Margot]

Carla Schroder wrote:
> 
> 1. Being compassionate and caring does not mean you are required to be a 
> sucker
> 2. If you make a mistake like this you are still entitled to a full recovery, 
> so you must be immune to any and all attempts at guilting and weaseling
> 3. It doesn't matter how well-off you are- when someone owes you something, 
> you are entitled to be paid back.
> 
> Number 3 is an especial peeve of mine. An awful lot of people have the idea 
> that anyone who is more prosperous than they are is required to share. A lot 
> of people have these weird, vague ideas that they are supposed to share 
> because it is "right". Well no, you're not required. It's your choice, and it 
> is entirely your right to say "no." 
> 
> Homework: please share your best horror or success stories at dealing with 
> loved ones who want things from you.
> 

Over the years, I have lost a lot of money (and a few friends) 
through lending to friends who then fail to repay.

A few years ago I adopted a new policy. I don't lend money to 
friends any more - instead, if I have it and they need it, I offer 
to give it to them. Yes, you read that right - GIVE, not LEND. I 
explain to them that I've had too many friendships turned sour by 
people not repaying loans, too much resentment built up, too many 
spreadsheets where I've calculated how much people actually owe me 
over the years and what marvellous things I could have (but probably 
wouldn't have!) done with that money if I had it back...

Only one has ever taken up the offer of a gift [1]. It seems that 
people who are perfectly happy to accept a "loan" with no intention 
of repaying it are NOT happy to accept a gift!

Does this make me a better person? Hmm, not sure. Does it save me 
money? Yes!

[1] My oldest friend, known since childhood, and a very small sum - 
enough for a week's worth of food for himself & his cat, to tide him 
over the period between his weekly-paid unemployment benefits ending 
and his new monthly-paid job paying him!

-- 
Margot