[Courses] [Spineful Living, lesson 5: The Hardest Nos]

[Sulamita Garcia]

> Homework: please share your best horror or success stories at dealing with
> loved ones who want things from you.

That is the hardest people to say no, yes. I had to learn to say "no Mom,
I will not send more money to you pay rent for my brother and sister stay
home doing nothing, I don't care, they can work".

But the last episode made me very proud of myself. I live alone, so I
enjoy having friends here in regular base. Sometimes I even let some
friends in transitional situations stay longer, like friends who were
coming to my city and had no place to stay while looking for apartment to
rent. When I came here, a friend of mine supported me and had me over her
place for a month until I get my own place, so I think I want to pay it
forward...

anyway, with my two previous friends who lived with me, they kept annoying
me with small but repeatedly things, like forgetting the lights on, didn't
helping with house cleaning or talking when I don't want to talk. And of
course, you can't walk anyway you want with a boy at home, or trow your
t-shirt away after work... So, after a month, I did, with both, just
exploded and said a lot of rude things. We still are friends because they
recognize how hard were for me, how non helping they were, and that I had
problems saying when I don't like something.

But after some training, I think I get the way. I tried to help another
friend, who wasn't really close, but was someone needing help, because he
was bisexual and everybody hates him because of that (which I learned
after was not truth, it was because his very selfish and annoying
personality).

So I get the warning when he asked me to stay with me, and told me "I
heard you don't care too much about cleaning". Hmmm, "no, I just don't
like to clean, but I do care, let's state than I ask for the maid to come
more and you pay half of the time". A week after he moved in, he said "I
kind of used your towel". "Kind of..." argh. I didn't say anything at that
time, but he saw I didn't like it, and offered to wash it, I said I would
wash it. Then another day, he says he is going to study at my souvenirs
table, where I keep all sort of nice stuff I buy or receive as gifts,
because the light would be better. I heard this scream in my head
"noooooooooooooooo!" and I said, "no, I prefer you don't touch anything in
there". And so on, weird and arrogant personality, whining about
everything, playing the the poor uncomprehending intellectual. And I
didn't see him looking for another places.

So, one day, I'm at my computer and I have the TV on some crappy show
while I was waiting the one I wanted to see. So he came home with a
notebook he bought with the display broken. So he starts to mess with the
TV and I ask why is he looking for, after three times he mumbling
something he says he is looking for the s-video, and another three times
later, he finally say he is looking for it to connect the notebook, so he
"don't have to took the monitor" (my monitor from my desktop). I think
"you are going to took MY monitor if *I* give you permission for". I
counted until 30, than I turn to him and say "look, if you want to use my
things, I expect you at least tell me that. I want you to feel comfortable
and stuff, but I want you to ask me when you intend to use my things". So,
the self pity god give up the TV, go out for dinner, and when he come back
he stay in the kitchen, and for several days don't talk to me. That was
the thing that made me more angry, so this idiot stay in my house, messing
with my things, taking my privacy away, and yet playing as the victim. A
week after, he finds some place else, and another week later, after
several times saying he would get things out and didn't appearing, he
finally come, get almost all his things and say "ok, I'm going", and then
goes. Without a "thank you". Well, at least I have my home back just for
me. Later on, I was thinking, he bought that notebook clearly thinking on
using my tv or monitor, and even asked for.

Two days after that, I receive a message from another not so close friend
asking for a place to stay, because "I just arrive in the city, there is
no vacancy in any hotel, I'm tired and hungry, I don't know anyone here,
please help me". I though, no, not again... so I started to ask, to find
out he came here to do a freelance for some company, and they forgot to
book hotels, they had look for "like 20 hotels" and finding nothing...
c'mon, in the third biggest city in the world? So I ask "and you don't
have a number from anyone on that company?" and he says "the manager is
here with me, we are trying to find a hotel but no success..." so I
quickly say "so you stay at his house". I even passed a link for some
cheap and clean hotels in here, and went to sleep. In the next day, I wake
up and take a long shower, walked in the house using just my t-shirt,
listen the music I wanted in the volume I wanted, and my not so close
friend found a hotel and are ok.

I'm such a grownup now :D


-- 
Brain: Prepare yourself for your 15 minutes of fame
Pink: after that, can I have 15 minutes of macarena?
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 °v°  Sulamita Garcia
/(_)\  LinuxChix Brasil
^ ^  http://sulamita.linuxchix.org.br/