[Courses] [Spineful Living, lesson 2: When Nice = Rude]

[Valorie Zimmerman]

On Friday 06 April 2007 13:54, Carla Schroder wrote:
> Lesson 2: When Nice = Rude
>
> We're off to a great start! Thank you everyone for your thoughtful,
> inspiring posts.
>
> If you don't have a copy of "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" I recommend that
> you find one. We have a number of good book recommendations; this is still
> my #1 choice.
>
> Clytie Siddall posted a "Basic Human Rights" list, which I copied below.
> Manuel Smith, the author of "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty," includes a
> similar list, The Bill of Assertive Human Rights. This is number one:
>
> ==Our Prime Assertive Human Right==
> Assertive Right 1: You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts,
> and emotions, and to take responsibility for their initiation and
> consequences upon yourself.
>
> I'm willing to wager that most of us were raised completely contrary to
> this. I know I spent a good portion of my life fighting with this nebulous
> disapproving judge in my head who didn't approve of much of anything I did.
> I had a hard time doing anything on my own authority; I always needed
> permission and was forever striving for what I thought I should do, rather
> than what I wanted to do.

::snip::

Hi, everybody, I'm a bit behind, but I have been following along. I have loved 
reading everyone's dreams, and also, the good retorts!

I finally got _When I say no_ the other day from the library, and after 
reading the first few chapters, realize that I need to buy it. How did I 
overlook this great book for thirty years!?

Up though my 40s, I fought that feeling of constant guilt, because that's what 
being a mom does to a lot of women, I think. You are being pulled so many 
ways, you have so many demands on your time, on your emotions, that it just 
seems impossible to "do it all." Indeed it is! No one can do it all! 

But we can CHOOSE, and our dreams and values are what should inform those 
choices, not what everyone else thinks! 

I've shed the guilt, mostly, but have yet to truly embrace my dreams. I look 
forward to this class helping me along in that process. I would like my 50s 
to be happier and even more guilt-free. :-)

It'll be fun! Thanks for teaching this course, Carla.

Valorie