[Courses] [Spineful Living, lesson 1: Dreams]

[Poppy Lochridge]

Getting kind of a late start on this as my list subscription was set  
to only receive emails on certain threads, and with recent and  
proposed changes, that's just not happening anymore. Meh.

And then as I started reading the archives, I was hesitant to post  
anything. It's been so long since I was an active member, so much has  
changed, etc etc. But then I saw 'pig's message and realized that I  
can still come back, do still have something to say.

I am 32, recently married, and even more recently released from the  
nightmare that I called "work" for the past 5 years. In the way that  
the universe manages to look out for us, I managed to find a new job  
within weeks of the final layoff date. I never intended to stay that  
long. I'll try and condense the last 3 years by saying that I have  
been expected to deliver the impossible daily until it pushed me into  
stress, burnout, and depression. Anything that wasn't actively  
helping to heal all of the above got left by the wayside as I  
struggled to find the energy to simply exist.

What do I want? On one hand, knowing that I'm going to be dealing  
with a lot of self-trust issues for a while yet, my dreams seem  
pretty foggy. On the other, going through bad experiences has a  
tendency to clarify what one wants and doesn't want.

Personally, I want time with my husband and time with my good  
friends. I want to be a happy and relaxed person again. I just want  
to be a pleasant and relatively unstressed person again. I want it so  
bad my teeth ache with wanting it.

I want my hobby to go places - I've picked up photography in the last  
few years, won a few small awards, and I get better every year. At  
least, I hope I do.

Professionally, right now, I've just started a new position. My  
biggest goal in the short term is to get settled in and get  
comfortable with the work. Long term, I've dropped a lot of my  
professional goals. Material success isn't worth changing who I am or  
giving up relationships that matter to me. All I really want right  
now is a job that offers me a challenge - new things to learn,  
different questions every day - while not expecting 120% of my time  
or energy. I want to be able to set limits on how much energy I  
expend in the average week and have those be respected. If it means  
eventually getting out of IT and going back into administrative work,  
I'll do it. If it means making the place I am into the place I want  
to be, that's fine too.

Materially.... so much material depends on professional and what I'm  
willing to do. Perfect world, I want a house. A small one, with  
enough rooms that we can have an office, my husband can have a work  
area for the case mods he wants to do, and I can have a small studio.  
Three bedrooms and a garage would be sufficient. With lots of storage  
space. I'd like to have enough saved that we can travel. Like to have  
enough savings to not have to worry about one of us losing a job. And  
I'd like to be able to keep my camera equipment up-to-date. Oh, and a  
MacBook :)

--Poppy