[Courses] [Spineful Living, lesson 3: 101 Satisfying Retorts For All Occassion]

[carla at bratgrrl.com]

> There was this guy I would always meet at the laundromat.
> I'm nice. I'm friendly. Sometimes you start conversing while waiting for
> dryers/washers.
>
> He really bugged me tho. For various reasons I started changing my laundry
> schedule and wandering into a shop/food while I waited for it to finish.
> Stupid small town. *sigh*
>
> Once I was waiting at the grocery for the bus to go back home and he saw
> me
> and offered me a ride. I politely thanked him and said no thanks. He said,
> but you have so many bags and you still have to walk after you get off the
> bus. Still no thanks. His response to that was that I was behaving like a
> little girl/child (for worrying about my security).
>
> *sigh*
> I don't remember what I told him exactly aside from "No I'm not behaving
> like a child but an adult".
>
> I wish I had a better answer then than just being stunned that someone
> would
> call someone else childish for not taking a ride with a stranger. *I*
> could
> even have been the crazed person.
>
> Laylaa

I think there are two separate goals here- one is to protect yourself, and
the other is to get through to this creep that you want him to get lost
and not bother you anymore. He definitely sounds scary, and you are right
to be wary. However, you are still left with the problem of having to deal
with him.

Have you considered making a complaint to the police? I know he hasn't
actually done anything yet, but it's small comfort to be able to to say "I
told you so" after something bad happens. Do you have a neighborhood cop
that you can go to and say something like "I think this man is dangerous.
He tries to make me go with him in his car, and when I say no he tells me
I am being childish." When you put it like that, if your police are the
good kind, that should get their attention. Cluing in your family and
friends is also a wise move. This sounds like the kind of situation where
you need to put some energy into building some protections around
yourself, rather than worrying about the right thing to say to the creepy
guy, because I doubt there are magic words that will get rid of him.

Another tactic that often works is a show of strength. Gather friends and
family and go hunt the man down and have a little talk with him. Let him
know that you are not alone and defenseless, but someone with a lot of
people standing with you who are not afraid of creeps, and that he needs
to leave you alone, and find a different part of town to hang out in. Bad
guys get their way because good people are too passive- going after him
will get his attention.

Don't worry about being nice and polite- that's how women become victims.
Part of standing up for yourself is making appropriate fusses in
potentially dangerous situtations.

--
Carla