[Courses] [Spineful Living, lesson 7: Assumptions Make....]

[Gloria W]

People make incorrect assumptions about everything about me, because I 
don't fit cleanly into any one stereotype.
I've reached the point where I don't really care what people assume or 
don't assume about me, unless they're hiring me for a contract. I want 
to be sure that my clients know I am technically capable and 
responsible, etc. But aside from that, I have stopped caring what anyone 
assumes about me. They get most of it wrong, they eventually find out 
they are wrong, and I genuinely don't care about any part of that process.
In my twenties, I didn't care, but it was a more belligerent 
in-your-face, piss and vinegar social statement, where I had to make 
sure everyone knew that I did not care what they thought of me. I think 
this was a reaction to the times, when women were still being treated 
like pretty ornaments in office environments and university campuses. 
It's how I was able to side-step a lot of bullshit and get my work done.
In my thirties I mellowed out a bit. Now that I've hit 40, I feel as if 
I am losing patience with age, and I don't have the time or energy for 
stupid people, no matter how many cross my path. I just ignore them, or 
like pesky  flies, I swat them away. My time is shorter, and thus more 
valuable to me, so I'm being more picky about how and with whom I spend it.
I no longer need to have long heated debates with people about womens 
achievements, my achievements, their own narrow-mindedness, or anything 
else. They can learn on/from someone else, the hard way.
This attitude I have has served to drastically narrow my friends and 
acquaintances down to a handful, and I'm actually happy about that.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm becoming too antisocial and introverted for my 
own good. Then I watch mainstream media for five minutes, and realize, 
no, I'm not missing a damned thing.
Gloria
> Spineful Living, lesson 7: Assumptions Make....
>
> Even in my old age, it still surprises me how often people like to think they 
> know everything about me, and feel free to say the most obnoxious things. 
> Like when I was shopping for property a few years ago. As soon as the sellers 
> or real estate agents learned I was from the Big City, they assumed I was 
> this dumbass city slicker with too much money and a predictable set of dumb 
> attitudes and beliefs about rural life. So I kept hearing crap like "well, 
> it's not what you're used to" and "This is a special price just for you!" 
> (Yeah, much higher.) I wish I had set them straight at the time, but I 
> didn't. How could they possibly know what I was used to? It's rather 
> mind-boggling as I look back on that- they never heard of people having 
> actual life experiences?
>
> Terry told me a tale once upon a time of a co-worker who was ranting on about 
> some personal problem, and she tells Terry "You have no idea what it's like 
> raising children!" Terry told her "Um, I raised three boys", which took the 
> wind out of her sails. For a little while, anyway. I'm always amazed at 
> the "You have no idea what it's like!" type of statements- I always get stuck 
> on the sheer proud ignorance of statements like that, and never respond in a 
> satisfactory way.
>
> When do you correct people's incorrect assumptions, and when do you let them 
> slide? I tend to not make an issue of it, because I'm usually thinking of a 
> hundred other things and I think it's not worth trying to educate idiots. OK, 
> so it's not a very complimentary attitude towards other people, and later I 
> often regret that I didn't say something. So I'm consciously working to set 
> people straight more often when they make stupid assumptions, rather than 
> letting it slide.
>
> Women in tech bump into dopey assumptions constantly. We're here with our 
> boyfriends, or we're dying to spend half a day listening to some long-winded 
> geek expound on his favorite subjects, or we can't possibly have any skills 
> or knowledge of our own, or we're just dying to mate with whatever 
> socially-challenged ickwit succeeds in cornering us. Come to think of it, 
> that's common in most of life. But I digress. Here are a few assumptions that 
> I encounter on a regular basis:
>
> - When I fly an American flag, that means I am a rightwingnut patriot of the 
> icky kind
> - Where's my husband?
> - Oh, teehee you're gay. That means this other stuff then! (mostly wrong, 
> though if they want to believe I'm mean and shouldn't be messed with, that's 
> OK. Them tuff dykes, ya know)
> - I write computer howtos, so I'm eager to listen to people rant about all the 
> things they hate about computers (which all boils down to 'too lazy and 
> unwilling to learn')
>
> So this week's assignment is what assumptions do you encounter, and what do 
> you do about them? Is it worth correcting people when they assume wrong 
> things about you, or is it akin to teaching pigs to sing? Does it benefit you 
> it ways other than you're not kicking yourself later for not responding?
>