[Courses] [Spineful Living, lesson 8: Just Talk, Just Ask, Just Do]

[Carla Schroder]

This is the final lesson of this course, and in some ways the most basic one: 

**** Just Talk, Just Ask, Just Do ****

How often do we not get something because we just don't speak up? Sometimes 
it's small things, like choosing a movie or TV show, or where to eat or what 
to wear. Sometimes it's big things, like jobs or where to live, or how to 
budget money.

It's common for us to psyche ourselves out without even trying- we think "I 
won't even bother asking because they'll just say no." Like asking for a 
raise, or a different work assignment, or asking that Special Someone for a 
date, or any number of everyday decisions: where to eat, what to wear, what 
to do for fun....

What if you don't know what you want? Remember Lesson 1 of this course, which 
was all about figuring out what you do want. That's always the first step; 
everything flows from that. 

"Just ask" is the next step, or "Just do", depending on what you want. When I 
tell people I write for a living, almost every one of them says "Wow, I 
always wanted to be a writer, but..." and then there's the usual reasons: no 
time, need a nice computer, need to take a bunch of courses... if you really 
want to do something, then you just do it. I know it's a cliche, but it is 
true. In my case, that meant sitting down at the typewriter and writing. 
(Yes, typewriter! If you're too young to remember typewriters, look them up 
in Wikipedia.) 

I wrote during work breaks and in my spare time. I read books on writing and 
how to sell my work. Originally I wanted to be a fiction writer, but then a 
funny thing happened- as personal computers emerged, I became more interested 
in them as fun new technology than tools for writing. I spend more time 
taking them apart and putting them back together than actually using them. 

As I learned, I wanted to share what I knew. So I pitched some articles to a 
local computer magazine. It didn't pay much, and the publisher was this weird 
guy who was hard to talk to, but it got me started. It was incredible 
experience, it introduced me to a lot of cool people, and it led to better 
opportunities. So here I am today, writing geekstuff instead of fiction.

Women especially like to think they're rampantly unqualified, and need all 
sorts of skills and education and experience before they can be allowed to do 
anything. Guess what- it's not true. Just Do. Obviously, you don't just hang 
up a sign that says Brain Surgeon and go into business. But listen to your 
guts- listen to the voice that says "I can do this!" Even if you're starting 
from scratch, you _know_. Just like from the time I was wee child I knew I 
was good with my hands, and could learn anything I set my mind to: 
woodworking, auto mechanics, landscaping, music. Computers are just more 
mechanicking.

So you find a starting point and Just Do. Find other people who are doing what 
you want and hang out with them. (This goes back to Just Talk and Just Ask.) 
Networking is the most valuable skill you can learn. It doesn't matter how 
awesome your technical skills are if you don't have people skills. If the 
word "networking" scares you, then think of it as "developing relationships 
with people who interest you, and who you like being with." 

If you find yourself saying "I wish there was a bird-watching club here" then 
that's your cue to start one yourself. "I wish I had someone as wheezy as me 
to go on weekend hikes with." Ditto. "I wish..." etc. 

**** Opposition! ****

I guarantee that most of the time you'll find helpful, supportive people in 
your adventures. What do you do when you hear "no"? Well, that's when you 
grow more spine and perservere! "No" is no big deal. It might mean "no not 
now", or "no because the terms you are offering are not suitable, but I'm 
willing to dicker" or "no because I'm a butthead you don't want to hang out 
with anyway" or any number of potential scenarios. Do you give up? No!

Your final homework assignment is study "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty." It's a 
wonderful book that teaches all these things much better than I can.

Anyone who wishes to share their own "Just Talk, Just Ask, Just Do" stories is 
very welcome. We've had a number of those during this course and I have 
enjoyed and learned from every one.

-- 
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Carla Schroder
Linux geek and random computer tamer
check out my Linux Cookbook! 
http://www.oreilly.com/catalog/linuxckbk/
best book for sysadmins and power users
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