[Fwd: Re: [Courses] [Spineful Living, lesson 3: 101 Satisfying Retorts For All Occassion]]

[carla at bratgrrl.com]

> On Sat, Apr 14, 2007 at 02:40:05PM -0400, carla at bratgrrl.com wrote:
>> AARRGG sorry, I meant to send this to the list. I blame Squirrelmail!!
>> ;)
>
> And I just replied privately because it went to me privately!
>
>> > On Sat, Apr 14, 2007 at 09:50:58AM +1000, Mary Gardiner wrote:
>> >> On Sat, Apr 14, 2007, Kathryn Andersen wrote:
>> > I guess it depends on whether the person in question is an enemy or
>> > someone one has to work with.  Whether it is better to parry or wound
>> > with this weapon.
>> >
>>
>> So I'm confused what your point is- do you have some actual suggestions,
>> or only objections? Are you saying we should accept mistreatment and not
>> stand up for ourselves?
>
> Please don't put words into my mouth.  You *know* that that is not what
> I am saying.
>
> I am wondering aloud about the purpose of snappy comebacks.  Is it to
> make ourselves just as bad as the person who attacked us, is it to grind
> their face in the dirt and make us powerful with cruelty?  If so, I find
> it dubious.
> If their purpose is to make the other person think twice, then that's
> another matter.
>
> You want suggestions from me?  Here are a few, which, alas, I have never
> been able to put into practice (they're the kind of ones that one thinks
> up afterwards).
>
> When someone calls me "girl", reply by calling them "boy".
> When someone calls me "Kathy" (my name is Kathryn, dammit!) then make a
> diminutive of their name, and see how they like it.
>

I labored long over coming up with the subject line "Satisfying Retorts
For All Occasions." I don't see that there is any implication of cruelty
or slamming people gratuitously. The idea is not to just slam someone for
the fun of it, but to stand up for yourself and let the offending person
know you don't appreciate their speaking to you in that manner. It's not
about being powerful with cruelty, but strong enough in our own
self-respect to not just roll over and let ourselves be pummeled with
thoughtless or malicious crap. About drawing boundaries and communicating
how we want to be treated.

The purpose here is to help people figure out what tools serve their
purposes best. The type of language used, deciding when it's worth
speaking up and when to let it slide- I don't know what's right for other
people. Some are going to be more brusque, some more gentle. That's not my
call. But we can offer each other encouragement, validation, and specific
suggestions- those are all very valuable and helpful.

--
Carla, still gloating over good hotel wireless