[Courses] [Spineful Living, lesson 2: When Nice = Rude]

[Jacinta Richardson]

Gretchen Dziengel wrote:

> However, we haven't talked to him since.  I'm avoiding it because I
> don't want a confrontation.
> So, the worst that could happen:  He could yell and scream at me.  He
> could screw with our mutual fund but that's pretty unlikely.
> The best that could happen:  He could sit down and tell me all about
> how he's suing the propane company.  ( I wanted to sue for giving out
> private information but it wouldn't be worth the lawyers fees. )

There's probably all sorts of things in between these two that could happen.  He 
could try to get you to do a deal for him to compensate him for this mistake. 
He could suggest that you mislead him.  Etc.  What he probably won't do is admit 
that he's in this situation because he didn't check the paperwork.  If he was 
counting on the credit and yet that wasn't written into the sales documents then 
that really is his fault; no matter what the propane company and real estate 
agent said to him verbally.  If he's a shrewd business man then he should know 
better.  Although it won't help you if you try to point that out to him.

I admire your courage in calling him, and I encourage you to write down a few 
things before you do so, and have them in front of you when you call him:

	We cashed out the propane credit in August when it was due, before
	the sale agreement between us.

	I do not know what the realtor said to you about the credit. -- I don't
	know why she said that.

	I do not know what the propane company said to you about the credit. --
	I don't know why they said that.

	I know that you've been inconvenienced, but this isn't our fault.  We
	didn't lie to you.

	The credit is not covered in the purchase agreement.

(Or whatever works for you).  I find this helps sometimes to prevent me from 
apologising for things which aren't my fault and trying to fix things by 
compromising my situation.  I try to make the sentences neutral sounding, so 
that I can read them off in whatever tone is required.  Sometimes I feel like I 
sound like a broken record, but it prevents me from raising my voice, or 
breaking down and crying.

> If the worst happens, I pull the money out of that fund and put it in
> another one, or the same fund with a different financial guy.  We
> wouldn't talk any more but we're not talking now.

It's always good to have a plan for the worst and yours sounds very sensible. 
Part of the problem seems to be miscommunication between him and the realtor. 
Perhaps a calm discussion with him will result in him realising that you are not 
the cause of his problem and then he can take it up with the realtor and propane 
company.

All the best,

	Jacinta